I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
