Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
