just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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