While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
