Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
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