shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
