nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
don't judge my taste in strippers
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
