Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
