Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
