I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
