He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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