drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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