So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
