I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
