i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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