wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
