Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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