Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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