we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
