I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
