My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
