I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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