i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
