ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
