I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
