i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
