He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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