Why does Corona taste like a burp?
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
