I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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