just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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