im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
