Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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