Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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