Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
