Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
