My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
