ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
