My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
