I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
