I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
it hurts more in the daytime
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
