I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I wish i was in the wii world.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
