guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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