the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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