I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
