Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
