waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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