a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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