If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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