i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
they need to just BURY HIM!
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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