no, he came in my armpit
I think my vagina is haunted
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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