Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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